Timothy's New Friend

So, the weather this past month has been amazing!  I think last year was just really stinky so it seems like it's a lot nicer than normal, but I'll take it!  The best part is that the kids have been able to play outside pretty much every day this Spring. 

A few weeks ago, Timothy was out trying to perfect his two wheel bike-riding technique when he fell.  A little boy down the street came over and asked if he was OK and I remember thinking, "what a nice boy".  A little bit after that, we were taking a walk and the same little boy asked if he could walk with us.  I told him I thought he should probably ask his mommy or daddy if that was OK with them and he told me that they didn't care.  Timothy started riding his scooter around with him (we found out his name is Marcus) and ever since then, if the weather's nice, they've been outside together, riding bikes or scooters together.

Last Wednesday, Timothy had school in the morning and we happened to pull into the driveway right before the bus stopped in front of our house and Marcus got out.  Timothy ran out to say hi and Marcus asked if he could play.  I said he needed to eat lunch first so Timothy ate a couple of bites and ran out to play.  I got the girls down for naps and went to work out in the front yard (I'm still not totally comfortable with letting him out there to just play without being able to see him).  They spent most of the afternoon riding back and forth between houses.  I also got to meet his older brothers that day.  I've learned a lot about them since then (it's amazing how much kids will go into detail about a story, makes me worried some times to think about what my kids say)! 

I learned that Marcus has two older brothers.  They rent their house and live with their mom and dad.  Their mom doesn't like to have anyone come to their house because she says it's too dirty.  Their dad doesn't like to meet other parents, especially moms.  The older brother has anger management issues and when he gets mad he hurts people, one time he threw Marcus across the room and broke his arm.  The middle brother has had one kidney transplant and is on dialysis because his new kidney is failing and he needs another transplant.  Marcus doesn't like to be at home. 

Today they played most of the afternoon and when Caroline woke up from her nap I had to go to the store.  Since Brandon's not home, all the kids had to go with me.  Marcus asked if he could come, but I didn't think that would be appropriate so I told him I didn't have enough room in the car.  Timothy was acting up while we were out, so I told him when we got back that he needed to spend some time in his room.  We had barely been home 5 minutes when the doorbell rang and Marcus was asking if Timothy could come out to play.  I told him that Timothy wasn't allowed to come out right now but he would come find him later on.  It had seriously not been 10 minutes and the doorbell rang again and he was there asking if he could play again.  I told him that Timothy needed to stay home a little longer and he asked me what he had done to get in trouble.  I told him that Timothy had been disrespectful.  His reply was, "what did he call you?" which threw me off guard and I told him he didn't call me any names, he was just having some trouble obeying.  He said that that is what kids are supposed to do, to obey their parents and it's the parent's job to discipline the kids when they do something wrong.  I told him that in our house it's the parent's job to teach the kids how to do what's right but sometimes we have to take a time out to remember what's right. 

So he left and I went back upstairs.  The girls were playing in the play room so I sat down in there and looked out the window and Marcus was just sitting at the end of our driveway.  It really did make me cry a little.  So I told Timothy that he could go out and play as long as he came in when I told him it was time to come home.  They ended up swimming in the pool of another kid that lives right across the street which was perfect since I could watch from the play room window (and that kid's mom was out there with them). 

So at dinner, Timothy was asking why Marcus plays outside so much and I told him I wanted to tell him something but he didn't need to repeat it.  I told him that I didn't think Marcus enjoys being at home, that it sounds like his brother and his parents might not be very nice to be around and that maybe there's some fighting going on and he doesn't like to be there.  Timothy's response was "well you and Daddy fight, so it's OK."  I was thrown off at first, and tried to explain that what Brandon and I do isn't really fighting but he seemed confused but I explained that in our house, no one gets angry and hurts anyone or says mean things to anyone.  He seemed to understand after that. 

So they play and I pray and pray and pray for that boy and his family.  And then tonight when I was putting Timothy to bed it hit me, I am so glad that Timothy thinks that what Brandon and I do is fighting.  We don't argue much, but it's usually a conversation about whatever happened that upset one of us and some debate back and forth.  I'll even go so far as to admit that there's occasionally a raised voice or two...and that's pretty rare for us to argue in front of the kids anyway and if we do we always make sure to reconcile in front of them as well so that they see an example of how to treat someone you love...but from what it sounds like this little boy lives with...I will gladly have Timothy think that what Brandon and I do is fighting. 

So I guess this is an early lesson in teaching our kids what it means to be in the world but not of the world.  Timothy and I had a long chat about how he can be a good example to Marcus and his brothers.  And hopefully I will get to meet his parents soon and can try to build a relationship with them.  Please please pray for our family and please pray for Marcus's family.  I know we came back to Washington for a reason or reasons or whatever, and I can't shake the feeling that this sweet boy and his family are one of those reasons.  And pray for Timothy...this has potential to be hard on him, we will make decisions for our family based upon what's best for our children and that has potential to cause him some hurt...thankfully, our God is a powerful and compassionate God and if anyone can bring this family some hope and peace, it's Him!